I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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