Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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