Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
