the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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