Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She's the barista slut.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
