would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
