so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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