he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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