I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
