I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
