am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
