ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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