At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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