hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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