Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
