New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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