shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
