i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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