I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm always down for nudity.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
