Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
