i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
