Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
