please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
