i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
That reminds me...we need to get swords
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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