You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
