Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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