Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
