Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
