He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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