Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
