Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i out mim tonsoeep
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