: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
