my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
worst night to have a conscience
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
