The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
