Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
