remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
