Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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