I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
