mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
