guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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