I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
