You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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