Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So here I am, sexting at work.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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