all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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