my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
