Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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