Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
