I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she smelled like a LAN party
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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