I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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