why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
