You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
