I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you traded sex for a burrito?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
