What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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