i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
