I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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