I skipped work to stalk him.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I need a beard to bite.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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