Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
