when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
