How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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