Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
