I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
