..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
