New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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